Take This Cup
“Not your will Lord, but mine.” Ummmmm, let me try that again; “Not your will Lord, but mine.” Oh no! That is definitely not how the scripture goes but that is what I wrote in my journal by mistake. My brain is a busy place to be. When I need to really focus on something I have to write it down. As I was processing the dynamics of a difficult relationship, I realized what I had written. I sort of giggled and apologized to God. “Not your will Lord, but mine.” I imagine God had a good chuckle about that too. He knows me better than I know myself. My need for control which feeds into a false sense of safety is no surprise to my Creator. It is so hard to surrender to God’s will especially when it is some kind of ending, scary change or painful parting.
The actual passage from Luke 22:42 reads like this, “Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me; yet, not my will but yours be done.” This is Jesus’s fervent prayer on the Mount of Olives just before he is betrayed, arrested, and crucified. Jesus, the very Son of God, knew the pain of separation was both imminent and necessary yet he still sent out a preverbal pulse check- “hey God, like are you sure I really have to leave everyone I love and die in this most painful way? If that’s what you really want I’ll do it. I trust you so I surrender to your will.”
But that was Jesus and Jesus is perfect. It is much harder for us ordinary flesh and bones people to surrender to the will of God. This double sided pill of suffering and obedience is hard to swallow. It gets stuck sideways in your throat as you force it down with a swig of humility chased with fear. It is unnatural to march toward the things that will hurt you. Sometimes that is exactly the direction the Shepherd will lead you; into the wilderness, through the fire, down into the pits. Why? I don’t know. His ways are higher than mine and his thoughts are higher than my thoughts. But here is what I do know- no matter how dark it gets in the garden, no matter how high the flames climb or how deep the mud gets, we are never abandoned.
“Fear not, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with my Righteous right hand” (Isaiah 41:10)
I am able to surrender to the will of God even when I am tempted to avoid temporary suffering because I trust that wherever I am being led is better than where I am today.